Disappointment. That feeling of wanting something that you didn't get. Whether it was the perfect marriage, the job offer or pay raise, the family relationships that others enjoy. Disappointment is a longing unsatisfied. It is often mixed with envy or frustration, grief or resentment.
Most of us could unload a litany of disappointments in our lives. I know it wouldn't be hard for me to create a pretty lengthy list, and go right back to the anger and sadness those occasions generated. So unfair. Why me?
The pragmatist in me tells me that digging up old hurts is unproductive. The jobs and job opportunities are gone. There are good and bad moments with family members. People move through your life like confetti -- only a few pieces stick. Projects that you work at sometimes fail, and sometimes are destroyed by other people. People aren't always fair and honest. You move on.
The inspirational part of me tries to find something positive to take from it. Looking back, the job probably wouldn't have been the best career move. Having to deal with tough family issues has made me a stronger person. I found something better after that opportunity crashed and burned.
I wish I were that perfect person who accepted and liked the way things turned out. But disappointments caused a lot of hurt in my life, hurt that continues to this day. I can't let go and the resentment eats at me. Hurt people hurt people. You can name it, talk about it, bury it, but no matter what you do, it still bubbles up or gushes a deadly, poisonous river of venom at some moment. Sometimes another person is the victim, but more often, the victim is me.
The Bible points to these moments as trials, and I know I'm failing miserably. Romans 5: 3-5 (NLT) says this: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Rejoice? I looked for some other translations, and the words only got harder. Celebrate, shout our praise, be glad? Sure, I'm throwing a party next time I experience a bad break. We can boast, we can take pride in...yep, surely that's the kind of event I want to brag about in my life. Paul, you're a better man than I am.
Paul ends up being my role model in the Bible more often than not. And in disappointments, I still have a long way to go before I can turn my mourning into dancing, my discouragement into celebration.
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