Disappointment. That feeling of wanting something that you didn't get. Whether it was the perfect marriage, the job offer or pay raise, the family relationships that others enjoy. Disappointment is a longing unsatisfied. It is often mixed with envy or frustration, grief or resentment.
Most of us could unload a litany of disappointments in our lives. I know it wouldn't be hard for me to create a pretty lengthy list, and go right back to the anger and sadness those occasions generated. So unfair. Why me?
The pragmatist in me tells me that digging up old hurts is unproductive. The jobs and job opportunities are gone. There are good and bad moments with family members. People move through your life like confetti -- only a few pieces stick. Projects that you work at sometimes fail, and sometimes are destroyed by other people. People aren't always fair and honest. You move on.
The inspirational part of me tries to find something positive to take from it. Looking back, the job probably wouldn't have been the best career move. Having to deal with tough family issues has made me a stronger person. I found something better after that opportunity crashed and burned.
I wish I were that perfect person who accepted and liked the way things turned out. But disappointments caused a lot of hurt in my life, hurt that continues to this day. I can't let go and the resentment eats at me. Hurt people hurt people. You can name it, talk about it, bury it, but no matter what you do, it still bubbles up or gushes a deadly, poisonous river of venom at some moment. Sometimes another person is the victim, but more often, the victim is me.
The Bible points to these moments as trials, and I know I'm failing miserably. Romans 5: 3-5 (NLT) says this: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Rejoice? I looked for some other translations, and the words only got harder. Celebrate, shout our praise, be glad? Sure, I'm throwing a party next time I experience a bad break. We can boast, we can take pride in...yep, surely that's the kind of event I want to brag about in my life. Paul, you're a better man than I am.
Paul ends up being my role model in the Bible more often than not. And in disappointments, I still have a long way to go before I can turn my mourning into dancing, my discouragement into celebration.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
What happened?
When I was growing up, if there was a family that was struggling, grieving or somehow disrupted, the entire church, neighborhood or community would pitch in. Even up to 9/11, when the country experienced a tragedy, people pulled together, went to donate blood, went to Ground Zero, and gathered to pray.
What happened?
In the years since 2001, people's compassion has gone out the window. The left bashes the right, the red slams the blue, and people who are struggling somehow deserve it. The homeless and hungry don't deserve assistance -- they are weak and lazy. People who are earning minimum wage need to go out and find another job if they can't live on $7.25/hour ($290/week, gross pay).
Years ago, communities used to take pride in the accomplishments of their kids. How many seniors went to college, how many scholarships, how many military academy appointments were numbers about which a whole town would brag. Today, adults talk about how bad kids are, how today's kids are useless, and how they will never spend an extra dime on education.
From people losing their jobs when a factory closes to someone's health crisis, there's always a critic trying to blame those who are suffering. If people would have worked harder, they wouldn't have outsourced the jobs to China or Mexico. If people would just take better care of themselves we wouldn't be paying such exorbitant fees for health care.
Basically, the world has become a cold-hearted, mean-spirited, blame-the-victim place. Tough it out, take care of yourself, because no one is going to be there for you. I've got mine, and I don't need anything from anyone, so go away and leave me alone.
Read the comments after stories in the national and local news, and you wonder if you're still living in the same communities that existed before 2001. Could those same people be there? Are people suffering from hardening of the heart, mind and soul?
What happened?
Fueled by a divided political and media atmosphere, people have chosen sides. The undecided have jumped on the bandwagon of political conservatism. The right has become vocal: we need to protect what we have from the 47%. We're losing ground and only by keeping the other half in their place do we stay in ours.
Fear is paramount. We could become them in a heartbeat. We need to protect ourselves from losing anything.
Lost? We've already lost the important stuff. Justice, compassion and goodwill for our fellow man.
What happened?
In the years since 2001, people's compassion has gone out the window. The left bashes the right, the red slams the blue, and people who are struggling somehow deserve it. The homeless and hungry don't deserve assistance -- they are weak and lazy. People who are earning minimum wage need to go out and find another job if they can't live on $7.25/hour ($290/week, gross pay).
Years ago, communities used to take pride in the accomplishments of their kids. How many seniors went to college, how many scholarships, how many military academy appointments were numbers about which a whole town would brag. Today, adults talk about how bad kids are, how today's kids are useless, and how they will never spend an extra dime on education.
From people losing their jobs when a factory closes to someone's health crisis, there's always a critic trying to blame those who are suffering. If people would have worked harder, they wouldn't have outsourced the jobs to China or Mexico. If people would just take better care of themselves we wouldn't be paying such exorbitant fees for health care.
Basically, the world has become a cold-hearted, mean-spirited, blame-the-victim place. Tough it out, take care of yourself, because no one is going to be there for you. I've got mine, and I don't need anything from anyone, so go away and leave me alone.
Read the comments after stories in the national and local news, and you wonder if you're still living in the same communities that existed before 2001. Could those same people be there? Are people suffering from hardening of the heart, mind and soul?
What happened?
Fueled by a divided political and media atmosphere, people have chosen sides. The undecided have jumped on the bandwagon of political conservatism. The right has become vocal: we need to protect what we have from the 47%. We're losing ground and only by keeping the other half in their place do we stay in ours.
Fear is paramount. We could become them in a heartbeat. We need to protect ourselves from losing anything.
Lost? We've already lost the important stuff. Justice, compassion and goodwill for our fellow man.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Gardens need tending, but the results are amazing
Not my cup runneth over. My baskets runneth over. I went to my garden plots today.
I reserved two garden plots at the Community Garden this year. My backyard garden has never grown particularly well. There's a couple of things about the Community Garden that beats backyard gardening. First, it's a community -- I've met some nice people. Second, there's an educational component. Third, the ground has been worked for a couple of years. And finally, it is fenced and locked. My dog can't dig around in it.
The downside is, it's not in my backyard. I have to go out of my way to go there. And the garden has acquired a creeping vine that comes up everywhere.
So, it's monsoon season. And it's been days since I've been there. And as soon as I arrived, two things became rather obvious. The weeds are way ahead. And I should have picked produce a couple of days ago. I had to toss a couple of tomatoes. Some of the beans are a little past their prime. But the one Walmart bag I brought for the harvesting was barely big enough. I walked out with it stuffed to the top with tomatoes, beans and peppers. When I went to fill my garden basket, it overflowed. Second basket was over halfway full of tomatoes. Wow.
There's something joyful and relaxing about working in the garden. I tilled that soil. I added alpaca manure. I planted some seeds, and look what happened. Plants came up and then the blossoms set. The little beans and tomatoes and peppers appeared. I waited until they were the right size and color, and voila! I'm sure I've already paid for my supplies in fresh produce. I know I've paid for it in satisfaction.
As I picked and pulled weeds, it occurred to me that we aren't that much different from what's growing in the plots. All of us need some sunlight and lots of water, some harvesting and a little weeding from time to time. We need the Gardener to keep us straight and well-tended. Gardens don't grow to perfection without oversight and tending.
I still have zucchini and butternut squash to come. Onions and carrots are growing under the surface. I saw a little lettuce that I wasn't sure was even going to sprout. I planted a coleus and some nasturtiums and they are gorgeous.
I have enough to share -- perhaps with co-workers, maybe down at Open Door. I will freeze some of the beans for this fall and winter. I've eaten a few beans and tomatoes straight out of the garden, the freshest harvest you can experience. Mmm -- nothing like the taste of totally fresh vegetables.
I reserved two garden plots at the Community Garden this year. My backyard garden has never grown particularly well. There's a couple of things about the Community Garden that beats backyard gardening. First, it's a community -- I've met some nice people. Second, there's an educational component. Third, the ground has been worked for a couple of years. And finally, it is fenced and locked. My dog can't dig around in it.
The downside is, it's not in my backyard. I have to go out of my way to go there. And the garden has acquired a creeping vine that comes up everywhere.
So, it's monsoon season. And it's been days since I've been there. And as soon as I arrived, two things became rather obvious. The weeds are way ahead. And I should have picked produce a couple of days ago. I had to toss a couple of tomatoes. Some of the beans are a little past their prime. But the one Walmart bag I brought for the harvesting was barely big enough. I walked out with it stuffed to the top with tomatoes, beans and peppers. When I went to fill my garden basket, it overflowed. Second basket was over halfway full of tomatoes. Wow.
There's something joyful and relaxing about working in the garden. I tilled that soil. I added alpaca manure. I planted some seeds, and look what happened. Plants came up and then the blossoms set. The little beans and tomatoes and peppers appeared. I waited until they were the right size and color, and voila! I'm sure I've already paid for my supplies in fresh produce. I know I've paid for it in satisfaction.
As I picked and pulled weeds, it occurred to me that we aren't that much different from what's growing in the plots. All of us need some sunlight and lots of water, some harvesting and a little weeding from time to time. We need the Gardener to keep us straight and well-tended. Gardens don't grow to perfection without oversight and tending.
I still have zucchini and butternut squash to come. Onions and carrots are growing under the surface. I saw a little lettuce that I wasn't sure was even going to sprout. I planted a coleus and some nasturtiums and they are gorgeous.
I have enough to share -- perhaps with co-workers, maybe down at Open Door. I will freeze some of the beans for this fall and winter. I've eaten a few beans and tomatoes straight out of the garden, the freshest harvest you can experience. Mmm -- nothing like the taste of totally fresh vegetables.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
With love, to my son
I've lost the quote and cannot locate it. But it goes something like this: every parent has the right to believe their children are the world's smartest, most beautiful creations to ever walk this earth.
If not their parents, who else? Other parents should be wrapped in the same beliefs about their children. Childless people cannot relate to why this small being we created is so precious to us. Teachers, child care workers, medical professionals cannot choose between all of their precious charges. Nope, it's up to us as parents. Every child should feel unconditional love, and know that his or her parents madly love everything about him or her.
Today, as my son turns 24, I waited up until midnight to spring a dastardly deed on him -- posting younger pictures of him on Facebook and tagging him, so his friends would see them. I deserved everything he might say. Instead, he was the first person to say it: "I am adorable."
Are you kidding? Of course you're adorable: those blond curls before your first haircut when you were 2? The smile on your face when the lorikeets piled on you at the San Diego Zoo for the nectar you were holding? The same delight when the love of your life snuggled up against your shoulder. The kindness and gentleness, the playfulness and joy piled into that body since your first snuggles and hugs -- you ARE adorable. The best thing your dad and I ever did was decide to have you.
I'm not going into your moments. Everyone has them. As you grow up, they are becoming fewer and fewer, as you choose to put other people and priorities first. You are living on your own, so the moments we intersect are fewer, and mostly pleasant.
So, even if you have no blond curls, and your days of zoo visits have come and gone, you are adorable. Our faces light up every time we see you. The past 24 years have been the best ones of our lives, and we can't wait to watch your future keep unfolding.
If not their parents, who else? Other parents should be wrapped in the same beliefs about their children. Childless people cannot relate to why this small being we created is so precious to us. Teachers, child care workers, medical professionals cannot choose between all of their precious charges. Nope, it's up to us as parents. Every child should feel unconditional love, and know that his or her parents madly love everything about him or her.
Are you kidding? Of course you're adorable: those blond curls before your first haircut when you were 2? The smile on your face when the lorikeets piled on you at the San Diego Zoo for the nectar you were holding? The same delight when the love of your life snuggled up against your shoulder. The kindness and gentleness, the playfulness and joy piled into that body since your first snuggles and hugs -- you ARE adorable. The best thing your dad and I ever did was decide to have you.
I'm not going into your moments. Everyone has them. As you grow up, they are becoming fewer and fewer, as you choose to put other people and priorities first. You are living on your own, so the moments we intersect are fewer, and mostly pleasant.
So, even if you have no blond curls, and your days of zoo visits have come and gone, you are adorable. Our faces light up every time we see you. The past 24 years have been the best ones of our lives, and we can't wait to watch your future keep unfolding.
Monday, August 18, 2014
And that's how we roll
My truck turned 10 this month. Well, maybe a little older than that, but that's when we brought Max home -- or really, he brought us home. Max is our 2004 Chevy Colorado.
Apparently, naming vehicles is a pretty common habit, judging from our online acquaintances. They're almost like family members. They go on family trips, accompany us every day. There's only one problem. Eventually, something happens. You decide to sell them. Or they die.
Then that anthropomorphism becomes an awkward moment. Do you mourn? Do you have a service? Do you just pretend you never named your vehicle and treated them like a family member, with a name, an age, and personality?
Max's brother Louie died this week. Louie is my husband's car. We think he's dead, anyway. The reality is that he could be resuscitated, but at a pretty high price. He's 21. Really old in car years. Not really worth it.
My son's car died a year ago. On the way to Flagstaff. Problem is, he was still making payments. So, he came to rest in our yard until my son can save the money to replace the engine. We thought that would have happened by now. Even though he moved out last year, he's been car-sharing with his dad until last week. Now neither of them has wheels.
That has caused a lot of stress at my house. My husband works and has other interests. My son has two jobs and a social life. I have one overwhelming job. Granted, the truck stays in the parking lot at my office 80% of the time. But when I need it, I need it. So now, it's crunch time.
Put the money into my son's vehicle? OK, but will he car-share with my husband? Buy another old car that will likely have issues? Buy a nicer car? Sorry, car payments aren't in our budget. Or try to limp by with one vehicle between three of us. Realistically, I don't think it's going to work for long.
I'm hoping that some miracle occurs to provide another vehicle, like someone that the guys know wants to get rid of a decently running vehicle for an affordable price. But the reality is, something is going to have to give, really soon. Preferably before something happens to my truck. I sure wish we had decent transit service.
Apparently, naming vehicles is a pretty common habit, judging from our online acquaintances. They're almost like family members. They go on family trips, accompany us every day. There's only one problem. Eventually, something happens. You decide to sell them. Or they die.
Then that anthropomorphism becomes an awkward moment. Do you mourn? Do you have a service? Do you just pretend you never named your vehicle and treated them like a family member, with a name, an age, and personality?
Max's brother Louie died this week. Louie is my husband's car. We think he's dead, anyway. The reality is that he could be resuscitated, but at a pretty high price. He's 21. Really old in car years. Not really worth it.
My son's car died a year ago. On the way to Flagstaff. Problem is, he was still making payments. So, he came to rest in our yard until my son can save the money to replace the engine. We thought that would have happened by now. Even though he moved out last year, he's been car-sharing with his dad until last week. Now neither of them has wheels.
That has caused a lot of stress at my house. My husband works and has other interests. My son has two jobs and a social life. I have one overwhelming job. Granted, the truck stays in the parking lot at my office 80% of the time. But when I need it, I need it. So now, it's crunch time.
Put the money into my son's vehicle? OK, but will he car-share with my husband? Buy another old car that will likely have issues? Buy a nicer car? Sorry, car payments aren't in our budget. Or try to limp by with one vehicle between three of us. Realistically, I don't think it's going to work for long.
I'm hoping that some miracle occurs to provide another vehicle, like someone that the guys know wants to get rid of a decently running vehicle for an affordable price. But the reality is, something is going to have to give, really soon. Preferably before something happens to my truck. I sure wish we had decent transit service.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Nature or nurture: What would have happened?
It takes me almost no time to fall asleep. At times, I wish I was an insomniac. I'd probably have solved the world's problems. Because it seems my best thoughts often come in the four minutes between laying my head on the pillow and falling asleep.
Four minutes. Sometimes even fewer. That's all it takes for me to meet the Sandman. If I want to do some reading or praying, I better not lie down. If I'm horizontal, the clock is ticking. Couch, bed or floor -- makes no difference. I can fall asleep at house parties and in the passenger seat of a car.
But in those four minutes, my mind goes so many places. Why are there so many religions? Why can't I find raspberry ripple ice cream? Where did the third generation of humans come from? Who came up with the idea of curling anyway? What would an outside observer of earth say about us?
That last question sends me into far more introspective areas. War. Capital punishment. The drug trade. Mental illness. Criminal justice. Capitalism. Homelessness. Hunger.
Was it design or happenstance that determined where I would be born, who my parents would be, who I would marry? Does the God who knows me control everything about my life, or some things, or nothing? Do my prayers change anything, or do I change when I put myself in a position to listen, focus and change?
But my most curious questions stay on that destiny topic. Was I destined to be a Christian, a Lutheran? Under other circumstances, would I have a large family and condemn homosexuality? Could I have ended up working in a factory, or playing music for a living? What if I had gone to a different college, or if I had finished my degree in 1986? What if I still worked in the media?
I keep coming back to a design -- I'm here because the One who put the universe into motion, who made the earth and all of its diverse living things, who died for a creation with flaws, wants me where I am. And without his direction, things wouldn't have happened this way.
Because I believe, I can contemplate a day when I am in the presence of the One who knows all the answers. And because eternity is eternity, He won't mind my curious questions. He will expect them, because He knows me.
Four minutes. Sometimes even fewer. That's all it takes for me to meet the Sandman. If I want to do some reading or praying, I better not lie down. If I'm horizontal, the clock is ticking. Couch, bed or floor -- makes no difference. I can fall asleep at house parties and in the passenger seat of a car.
But in those four minutes, my mind goes so many places. Why are there so many religions? Why can't I find raspberry ripple ice cream? Where did the third generation of humans come from? Who came up with the idea of curling anyway? What would an outside observer of earth say about us?
That last question sends me into far more introspective areas. War. Capital punishment. The drug trade. Mental illness. Criminal justice. Capitalism. Homelessness. Hunger.
Was it design or happenstance that determined where I would be born, who my parents would be, who I would marry? Does the God who knows me control everything about my life, or some things, or nothing? Do my prayers change anything, or do I change when I put myself in a position to listen, focus and change?
But my most curious questions stay on that destiny topic. Was I destined to be a Christian, a Lutheran? Under other circumstances, would I have a large family and condemn homosexuality? Could I have ended up working in a factory, or playing music for a living? What if I had gone to a different college, or if I had finished my degree in 1986? What if I still worked in the media?
I keep coming back to a design -- I'm here because the One who put the universe into motion, who made the earth and all of its diverse living things, who died for a creation with flaws, wants me where I am. And without his direction, things wouldn't have happened this way.
Because I believe, I can contemplate a day when I am in the presence of the One who knows all the answers. And because eternity is eternity, He won't mind my curious questions. He will expect them, because He knows me.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Be nice to me...I gave blood today
Just a couple of facts to start this post (source: RedCrossBlood.org):
OK, I'm not giving up my day job to become a comedy writer. Donating blood isn't a natural subject for a comedy sketch.
Reality check: I'm not sure why I give blood. I have since I was 17 and in high school. It was the second time that I donated that sealed it. A Red Cross staff member took 30 seconds to tell me a fact that changed how I viewed the act. I don't know the exact words, but I paraphrase:
"Gail, we're collecting your blood today in what we call a quad-bag. You have O-negative blood, and we need that for preemie babies. Those little bags can be separated for blood transfusions for babies born too early, to save their lives."
Any discomfort, any frustration I had because I had to wait, anything else immediately left my mind. That staff member took the moment to put a tiny human face on what I just did, and made it personal. I was hooked. I donated in college. As a young adult through 15 years of reporting. And then I left the newspaper business and was looking for a meaningful full-time job.
One little ad in the newspaper. Community relations representative for United Blood Services. Oh, one more piece of information -- by that time, I had an 11-year-old son. A son who wouldn't be there except for a blood transfusion he had in the first days of his life. Preemie babies have a lot of blood tests, and he needed blood. Yes, that comment to me as a high school student came full circle in my adult years. And it had been a stranger who saved my son's life -- you don't get to give blood days after childbirth!
Blood drives were my life for more than three years. I established dozens of new drives, talked to groups and businesses, worked with community leaders and the media, and recruited new donors. I made cookies, cut up fruit, whatever it took to get people in the door. And I was able to donate every 56 days like clockwork.
From United Blood Services to Red Cross. I became a blood drive coordinator. And I'm still a regular -- although not that regular.
I discovered double red cell donations. Instead of giving a pint of whole blood, I could give two units of red cells, and get back my plasma and platelets. O-negative plasma and platelets, no big deal. But O-negative red cells? Critical stuff. Only 6 percent of the population has type O-negative. But it's the universal blood type that any person can use. So in an emergency, when there's no time to "type and cross-match," the medical staff grabs units of O-negative and transfuses. No questions asked.
Two units from one donor? All the better.
I donate blood because it saves lives. True statement. How many people can say they've saved lives? I have no doubt I have.
- Although an estimated 38% of the U.S. population is eligible to donate blood, less than 10% actually do each year.
- Blood cannot be manufactured – it can only come from generous donors.
- Type O-negative blood (red cells) can be transfused to patients of all blood types. It is always in great demand and often in short supply.
OK, I'm not giving up my day job to become a comedy writer. Donating blood isn't a natural subject for a comedy sketch.
Reality check: I'm not sure why I give blood. I have since I was 17 and in high school. It was the second time that I donated that sealed it. A Red Cross staff member took 30 seconds to tell me a fact that changed how I viewed the act. I don't know the exact words, but I paraphrase:
"Gail, we're collecting your blood today in what we call a quad-bag. You have O-negative blood, and we need that for preemie babies. Those little bags can be separated for blood transfusions for babies born too early, to save their lives."
Any discomfort, any frustration I had because I had to wait, anything else immediately left my mind. That staff member took the moment to put a tiny human face on what I just did, and made it personal. I was hooked. I donated in college. As a young adult through 15 years of reporting. And then I left the newspaper business and was looking for a meaningful full-time job.
One little ad in the newspaper. Community relations representative for United Blood Services. Oh, one more piece of information -- by that time, I had an 11-year-old son. A son who wouldn't be there except for a blood transfusion he had in the first days of his life. Preemie babies have a lot of blood tests, and he needed blood. Yes, that comment to me as a high school student came full circle in my adult years. And it had been a stranger who saved my son's life -- you don't get to give blood days after childbirth!
Blood drives were my life for more than three years. I established dozens of new drives, talked to groups and businesses, worked with community leaders and the media, and recruited new donors. I made cookies, cut up fruit, whatever it took to get people in the door. And I was able to donate every 56 days like clockwork.
From United Blood Services to Red Cross. I became a blood drive coordinator. And I'm still a regular -- although not that regular.
I discovered double red cell donations. Instead of giving a pint of whole blood, I could give two units of red cells, and get back my plasma and platelets. O-negative plasma and platelets, no big deal. But O-negative red cells? Critical stuff. Only 6 percent of the population has type O-negative. But it's the universal blood type that any person can use. So in an emergency, when there's no time to "type and cross-match," the medical staff grabs units of O-negative and transfuses. No questions asked.
Two units from one donor? All the better.
I donate blood because it saves lives. True statement. How many people can say they've saved lives? I have no doubt I have.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
So you are burdened with worry -- don't add guilt too!
Worry. Then guilt.
Christians shouldn't worry, right? We have all those encouraging words in the Bible. If God is for us, who can be against us? God is faithful. He will uphold you with his strong right hand. Fear not, little flock.
So, if you're up at some disturbing hour of the night, upset about something in your life, you aren't very faithful. Whether that is a family member's problem, a job issue, finances, or something larger or smaller. Maybe it's a meeting you don't want to have. A test. An awkward visit from a family member. Or just a pile of smaller issues flooded out of proportion by too much coffee.
You've turned over the issue to God for days, or weeks, or years. But tonight, you can't sleep, you can't read, you can't push it aside. It's taken up all the space between your ears. Your remaining rational brain cells know there's absolutely nothing you can do, especially at 3 a.m. But there you are, pacing the floor, neck stiff from checking your email and Facebook again and again. You don't want to go back to bed and wake your sleepy spouse.
Then the guilt sets in. You've heard this before. Cast your concerns on Jesus. Turn it over in prayer and leave it with Him. Rest easy. He's a big enough God for all your cares. Stop worrying...I've got this one. If it was as easy as wiping a white board, or unloading your bucket. "All yours, Lord. I'm going back to sleep now." But the worry still is there, and joining it is guilt. Apparently, I wouldn't have gotten a couple steps on water. My mustard seed wouldn't have sprouted. Forget moving mountains, I couldn't move an ant hill.
So I tried to find that passage that tells me I'm unfaithful because I worry, and it doesn't show itself. I find lots of great advice: "Who can add a single hour to his life by worrying?" (Well, no one, I guess. Probably a few people have lost a few by worrying.) Trust in Him.
I think the guilt part was an added fear launched by a sermon long ago. Something to tie down the "take it to the Lord in prayer" scriptures. If you lay all those worries on Jesus, you're free. So if you're worried, you're really still laden with cares.
Sometimes the worries are heavy. Sometimes the coffee and cares won't let you sleep. Adding guilt doesn't help. Even if you share those worries with Jesus, you still are pained and upset. Know that the Lord hears your cares and is up all night with you. If you can cast them on Him and rest easy, great. If not, relax in a chair, picture Him holding you and all those troubles. Eventually, you may drift off in His arms. I often find myself comforted by that picture of a loving God and Father, the One who would love you, cares and all.
Christians shouldn't worry, right? We have all those encouraging words in the Bible. If God is for us, who can be against us? God is faithful. He will uphold you with his strong right hand. Fear not, little flock.
So, if you're up at some disturbing hour of the night, upset about something in your life, you aren't very faithful. Whether that is a family member's problem, a job issue, finances, or something larger or smaller. Maybe it's a meeting you don't want to have. A test. An awkward visit from a family member. Or just a pile of smaller issues flooded out of proportion by too much coffee.
You've turned over the issue to God for days, or weeks, or years. But tonight, you can't sleep, you can't read, you can't push it aside. It's taken up all the space between your ears. Your remaining rational brain cells know there's absolutely nothing you can do, especially at 3 a.m. But there you are, pacing the floor, neck stiff from checking your email and Facebook again and again. You don't want to go back to bed and wake your sleepy spouse.
Then the guilt sets in. You've heard this before. Cast your concerns on Jesus. Turn it over in prayer and leave it with Him. Rest easy. He's a big enough God for all your cares. Stop worrying...I've got this one. If it was as easy as wiping a white board, or unloading your bucket. "All yours, Lord. I'm going back to sleep now." But the worry still is there, and joining it is guilt. Apparently, I wouldn't have gotten a couple steps on water. My mustard seed wouldn't have sprouted. Forget moving mountains, I couldn't move an ant hill.
So I tried to find that passage that tells me I'm unfaithful because I worry, and it doesn't show itself. I find lots of great advice: "Who can add a single hour to his life by worrying?" (Well, no one, I guess. Probably a few people have lost a few by worrying.) Trust in Him.
I think the guilt part was an added fear launched by a sermon long ago. Something to tie down the "take it to the Lord in prayer" scriptures. If you lay all those worries on Jesus, you're free. So if you're worried, you're really still laden with cares.
Sometimes the worries are heavy. Sometimes the coffee and cares won't let you sleep. Adding guilt doesn't help. Even if you share those worries with Jesus, you still are pained and upset. Know that the Lord hears your cares and is up all night with you. If you can cast them on Him and rest easy, great. If not, relax in a chair, picture Him holding you and all those troubles. Eventually, you may drift off in His arms. I often find myself comforted by that picture of a loving God and Father, the One who would love you, cares and all.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Love is patient and kind
Impatience. How frustrated I get when things happen on someone else's schedule. Something that I think should happen in an hour takes three. Something I want tomorrow takes a week to arrive. Even water takes too long to boil. I am, by nature, an impatient person.
At the same time, I've been on the receiving end of someone else's impatience. My husband or son, most often. Why was I 10 minutes late? Can we go already? Can't we do this errand some other time?
Unfortunately, I know why the frustration. I know other people don't share my priorities. What is important to me isn't important to them, and vice versa. And in many cases, I haven't allowed enough time for my task. The store doesn't have enough cashiers at the time I want to check out. The customer service department has a wait time of 20 minutes because I called at a high demand time. The highway isn't moving as fast as I want it to move, because many drivers are trying to get to the same place at the same time.
I get irritated. I grit my teeth. I try to go around the problem. And usually it gets me nowhere. Sometimes I am not very understanding. I am unpleasant to people who have no more control over the situation than I do.
Is it any wonder that the infamous words about love in 1 Corinthians 13 start out with "Love is patient and kind"? I'm thinking of these words today, my 29th anniversary. Paul must have understood so well that impatience and unkindness are relationship bridge-burners. I sit here, knowing that my impatience and unkindness to my best friend has been the cause of many arguments. And my lack of remorse and stubbornness has prolonged those uncomfortable moments.
Before our 30th anniversary, my goal is to work on my 1st Corinthians 13 faults. I stand convicted and human before these words of love's perfection. I am gifted with a husband who loves me so much, in spite of my faults.
At the same time, I've been on the receiving end of someone else's impatience. My husband or son, most often. Why was I 10 minutes late? Can we go already? Can't we do this errand some other time?
Unfortunately, I know why the frustration. I know other people don't share my priorities. What is important to me isn't important to them, and vice versa. And in many cases, I haven't allowed enough time for my task. The store doesn't have enough cashiers at the time I want to check out. The customer service department has a wait time of 20 minutes because I called at a high demand time. The highway isn't moving as fast as I want it to move, because many drivers are trying to get to the same place at the same time.
I get irritated. I grit my teeth. I try to go around the problem. And usually it gets me nowhere. Sometimes I am not very understanding. I am unpleasant to people who have no more control over the situation than I do.
Is it any wonder that the infamous words about love in 1 Corinthians 13 start out with "Love is patient and kind"? I'm thinking of these words today, my 29th anniversary. Paul must have understood so well that impatience and unkindness are relationship bridge-burners. I sit here, knowing that my impatience and unkindness to my best friend has been the cause of many arguments. And my lack of remorse and stubbornness has prolonged those uncomfortable moments.
Before our 30th anniversary, my goal is to work on my 1st Corinthians 13 faults. I stand convicted and human before these words of love's perfection. I am gifted with a husband who loves me so much, in spite of my faults.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Enough old, tired solutions
Yesterday I reached my limit. I'm so tired of hearing the same old tired complaints and non-solutions to our country's problems. It's time to move on.
Reality check #1 -- more jails and prisons doesn't stop crime. My county is pushing for a jail tax to build more jails, and threatening increased property taxes if we don't approve the sales tax. Putting criminals behind bars with other criminals only creates better criminals. When people come out of jail, they come out with no better skills, no further education. Instead, give inmates the option to train in skilled trades or take online courses -- the inmates would have labor assignments if they don't choose productive training. Once inmates have done their time, provide them with the means to have their records expunged or reduced to misdemeanor records for less severe crimes after a period of time, so felons can gain housing and work and actually move on with their lives.
Reality check #2 -- housing the homeless is less expensive than ignoring the problem -- by a factor of two to three times. Face it, very few people actually want to remain homeless. Given the option between living under a roof and living in a car or a tent, most people will choose a home. But many people have barriers to housing. Records. Substance abuse. Mental and physical disabilities. And they end up costing society in medical, criminal justice and other community challenges. Housing First is a model that allows people to become housed, gain case management to get back on their feet and receive the services they need. In many cases, people gain stability, jobs and reduced substance use.
Reality check #3 -- national hot button issues are resolvable. How long are our country's citizens going to believe that issues like health care, immigration, poverty, living-wage jobs, climate change and other issues are going to stay with us forever? I'm tired of watching the people in the spotlight spar and never bring the issues to a conclusion. When you sit down to talk with another citizen, even one on a different part of the political spectrum, we all have things in common. A family ought to be able to find a job that pays enough so they don't need benefits to get by, if they are truly working. People shouldn't have to sneak into our country -- we should have a process that is meaningful but reasonable to assure citizenship. Not having health care costs the American public more than everyone having a basic level of health care. We can do more environmentally to assure our future generations of a safe, livable world. There is so much more our country could be doing if we weren't wasting political energy on the fringes of these basic agreements.
Reality check #1 -- more jails and prisons doesn't stop crime. My county is pushing for a jail tax to build more jails, and threatening increased property taxes if we don't approve the sales tax. Putting criminals behind bars with other criminals only creates better criminals. When people come out of jail, they come out with no better skills, no further education. Instead, give inmates the option to train in skilled trades or take online courses -- the inmates would have labor assignments if they don't choose productive training. Once inmates have done their time, provide them with the means to have their records expunged or reduced to misdemeanor records for less severe crimes after a period of time, so felons can gain housing and work and actually move on with their lives.
Reality check #2 -- housing the homeless is less expensive than ignoring the problem -- by a factor of two to three times. Face it, very few people actually want to remain homeless. Given the option between living under a roof and living in a car or a tent, most people will choose a home. But many people have barriers to housing. Records. Substance abuse. Mental and physical disabilities. And they end up costing society in medical, criminal justice and other community challenges. Housing First is a model that allows people to become housed, gain case management to get back on their feet and receive the services they need. In many cases, people gain stability, jobs and reduced substance use.
Reality check #3 -- national hot button issues are resolvable. How long are our country's citizens going to believe that issues like health care, immigration, poverty, living-wage jobs, climate change and other issues are going to stay with us forever? I'm tired of watching the people in the spotlight spar and never bring the issues to a conclusion. When you sit down to talk with another citizen, even one on a different part of the political spectrum, we all have things in common. A family ought to be able to find a job that pays enough so they don't need benefits to get by, if they are truly working. People shouldn't have to sneak into our country -- we should have a process that is meaningful but reasonable to assure citizenship. Not having health care costs the American public more than everyone having a basic level of health care. We can do more environmentally to assure our future generations of a safe, livable world. There is so much more our country could be doing if we weren't wasting political energy on the fringes of these basic agreements.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Stalemate will continue until American public pulls together
Government of the people, by the people and for the people. I think that we have received what we've asked for. Our government is just like us.
Our President, Senate and Congress are so dysfunctional that government is at a standstill. No real legislation is being proposed. Republicans and Democrats won't reach across the aisle to create legislation that benefits the American public. Senate and Congress do not work together. The President won't work with Congress. The President is sued over executive orders, then reprimanded for not using executive orders. Congress tries to repeal the Affordable Care Act 50+ times.
CNN and Fox News choose sides and blame people and parties. Time passes. Issues arise. Politicians observe and do nothing. Government occasionally shuts down as the administrative and legislative branch play chicken with workers, agencies and the economy.
But are these top level politicians any different than all of us? We've chosen sides and we debate politics in the local coffeehouse, on social media and among family and friends. If we vote, our votes are as dysfunctional as our federal government. No real change takes place. The candidates mumble about the economy, immigration, jobs and corporations as people. But whether the faces in Washington change or not, the action doesn't.
Why should it? We're a divided country. They're a divided government. We asked for representative politics, and we got what we asked for.
The only way government will change is if we change. When we pull together and demand leaders that will work together and get government moving. When we force our elected leaders to lead or go away. It will take a combined effort from both parties' voters to force politicians to start taking action for America again.
Until that happens, elected officials will continue to grandstand to the media and keep government motionless. How long can we afford to have Washington make excuses about why nothing is being done? As long as we're willing to be divided by them.
Our President, Senate and Congress are so dysfunctional that government is at a standstill. No real legislation is being proposed. Republicans and Democrats won't reach across the aisle to create legislation that benefits the American public. Senate and Congress do not work together. The President won't work with Congress. The President is sued over executive orders, then reprimanded for not using executive orders. Congress tries to repeal the Affordable Care Act 50+ times.
CNN and Fox News choose sides and blame people and parties. Time passes. Issues arise. Politicians observe and do nothing. Government occasionally shuts down as the administrative and legislative branch play chicken with workers, agencies and the economy.
But are these top level politicians any different than all of us? We've chosen sides and we debate politics in the local coffeehouse, on social media and among family and friends. If we vote, our votes are as dysfunctional as our federal government. No real change takes place. The candidates mumble about the economy, immigration, jobs and corporations as people. But whether the faces in Washington change or not, the action doesn't.
Why should it? We're a divided country. They're a divided government. We asked for representative politics, and we got what we asked for.
The only way government will change is if we change. When we pull together and demand leaders that will work together and get government moving. When we force our elected leaders to lead or go away. It will take a combined effort from both parties' voters to force politicians to start taking action for America again.
Until that happens, elected officials will continue to grandstand to the media and keep government motionless. How long can we afford to have Washington make excuses about why nothing is being done? As long as we're willing to be divided by them.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Did a client really ask for that?
I thought that every so often I ought to make a list of what callers ask at my office. As a nonprofit, we get some interesting questions and requests, but lately, things have taken a weird slant.
It is perfectly normal for our callers to ask for things like help with rent, utilities, food, clothing, fuel, laundry or medical costs. Generally speaking, not with plane or bus tickets, but we do get requests.
They've asked for car repairs and help to get dentures. We've occasionally helped people with class fees and certification testing to get or keep a job. We've obtained walkers and wheelchairs and even connected a woman with a locksmith for a lockout. We've been asked for all sorts of appliances, help paying off loans, and catching up with payments for storage units. Pretty much, those go beyond our scope of services.
Today, a lady came in and told us her sister died, and could she have her mail? Hmm, somehow, unless we have some documentation, we can't give someone's mail to anyone besides that person. Tomorrow, the sister could come in and ask for her mail and deny being dead, even for 24 hours.
We've been asked to pay vet bills and even spay and neuter pets. Somehow, we feel that people who can't afford pets probably should not have them. But generally, we steer them to the humane society, for potential low-cost services.
We don't get involved in fines or court cases. We don't pay for funeral or burial expenses. We don't translate. We don't resolve arguments between feuding spouses or clients. We don't tell callers whether a family member has received services. We don't tell teenagers their parents want them to come home now.
We help with some state forms, but generally, people are on their own as far as paperwork. Today a woman asked for help filling out a substitute teaching form. Heaven help our kids if a candidate for a substitute teaching job can't manage a form. Could she grade papers or teach?
And we don't do babysitting: for an hour or by the week. We've been asked if we will watch a child for an hour while a parent has an appointment or interview -- we just can't do that. Today, however, we never expected to be asked to watch a child for a week. It's a teen mom in the care of her grandparents. Could we watch the baby for a week while the three of them take a vacation? Because she's never had that experience. It would really be helpful.
No. We referred them to another agency, which was the agency that referred them to us. Nobody was quite sure what to do with that request.
It is perfectly normal for our callers to ask for things like help with rent, utilities, food, clothing, fuel, laundry or medical costs. Generally speaking, not with plane or bus tickets, but we do get requests.
They've asked for car repairs and help to get dentures. We've occasionally helped people with class fees and certification testing to get or keep a job. We've obtained walkers and wheelchairs and even connected a woman with a locksmith for a lockout. We've been asked for all sorts of appliances, help paying off loans, and catching up with payments for storage units. Pretty much, those go beyond our scope of services.
Today, a lady came in and told us her sister died, and could she have her mail? Hmm, somehow, unless we have some documentation, we can't give someone's mail to anyone besides that person. Tomorrow, the sister could come in and ask for her mail and deny being dead, even for 24 hours.
We've been asked to pay vet bills and even spay and neuter pets. Somehow, we feel that people who can't afford pets probably should not have them. But generally, we steer them to the humane society, for potential low-cost services.
We don't get involved in fines or court cases. We don't pay for funeral or burial expenses. We don't translate. We don't resolve arguments between feuding spouses or clients. We don't tell callers whether a family member has received services. We don't tell teenagers their parents want them to come home now.
We help with some state forms, but generally, people are on their own as far as paperwork. Today a woman asked for help filling out a substitute teaching form. Heaven help our kids if a candidate for a substitute teaching job can't manage a form. Could she grade papers or teach?
And we don't do babysitting: for an hour or by the week. We've been asked if we will watch a child for an hour while a parent has an appointment or interview -- we just can't do that. Today, however, we never expected to be asked to watch a child for a week. It's a teen mom in the care of her grandparents. Could we watch the baby for a week while the three of them take a vacation? Because she's never had that experience. It would really be helpful.
No. We referred them to another agency, which was the agency that referred them to us. Nobody was quite sure what to do with that request.
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