Life's lessons: the basics

Generational poverty. When you think about the term, what comes to mind? Three generations, packed into a house, people on government programs, unkempt home, dirty children.

I have to admit that this was my picture of that situation several years ago, and to some extent, I still have to force that stereotype out of my mind. But it's so much easier to replace it with another picture today. That's because generational poverty isn't a particular living situation. It is the attitudes and lessons passed down, shaping the next generation's repetition of lifestyle patterns.

Time and time again, I see these patterns emerge, not because people buy into them, but because they never learned any other pattern. You don't learn what causes people to live hand to mouth in school. You believe the family that raised you had life's lessons down to a tee. Or even if they did, perhaps they never talked about finances and other realities with their children. In fact, many families took great pains to avoid sharing their struggles and decisions with their children.

I was raised as one of those children, so I see those patterns in my own life. Worse yet, my husband was raised in the same type of household. The implied message was that you should know these things as adults, but we're never going to share them with you. You're going to have to figure them out or do just as we did.

Observation #1: If you are a normal human family, you have lots of credit cards, and you use them. That's what they're for. If they give you a decent credit line, use it all. If they raise it, use it too. They won't raise it beyond your ability to pay it.

Reality check #1: Credit cards companies are in the business of making money on people who don't use them wisely. The more you use them, the more money you pay them in interest. Many people don't pay them off and end up paying substantially more in interest than they ever imagined. They probably don't read the fine print, explaining how much they will pay if they only the minimal payment. Soon, the credit card debt is over their heads, their credit rating in the gutter.

Observation #2: Social Security is going to provide for me in my retirement. I don't have to worry about IRA's or 401K's or anything.

Reality check #2: Social Security was designed to pay for only basic support. If you intend to travel, to eat out occasionally, to visit your grandchildren, save for that opportunity. And, big surprise, Social Security may not even exist when adults today reach retirement.

Observation #3: Buy whatever you need. You only live once.

Reality check #3: What you need is food, shelter, basic clothing and very little else. Most things that people buy are wants. Many people today have no impulse control and buy pretty much everything they see, using credit cards to do so in many cases. They have little saved for the actual rainy day, when a job disappears or the car breaks down. Yet they have a house full of stuff.

Schools don't teach reality checks. They are very good at teaching English and math and science and social studies, but life's reality checks come at a high cost. These are lessons we have to teach our children. If not, this generational deficit continues.